Brangelina Help Portmanteaux To Tinseltown Title

Pandering unabashedly to Major League Search Engines, the fictitious Celebrity Baseball Association (not sponsored by Google) held its annual UniName Game last night in my head.

The Hollywood Portmanteaux celebrated a three-peat by mauling the Mighty Mighty Morphemes, 11-4.

The Portmanteaux took a 2-0 lead in the third inning when Brangelina hit a sacrifice fly to send Ashmi streaking in from third.

The Morphemes battled back to 3-2 in the fourth when Beyonce’s ball bounded beyond a diving Filliam H. Muffman in right field for a bases-clearing stand-up double.

The teams traded runs in the fifth when TomKitten misread a sign and broke away from her parents TomKat at third and stole home.  Sting stung for a solo homer in the bottom of the inning.

The Portmanteaux threatened again in the seventh when Romber beat out an infield single and then promptly stole both second and third.  However, Madonna flashed some “League of Their Own” leather with a tremendous grab of Spederline’s deep ball in center, thus stranding the Survivor couple at third base.

The big blow of the game came in the top of the ninth when Billary slid an eight-run grand salami just over the left field fence scoring Brangelina, Bennifer, and Vaughniston.

BOX SCORE

Hollywood Portmanteaux
AB R  H  RBI BB K
Brangelina cf      5  2  5  2   1  0
Bennifer 2b        6  2  3  0   0  1
Vaughniston 1b     5  2  1  0   0  1
Billary rf         5  2  1  8   1  0
RenKen 3b          2  0  1  0   1  0
TomKat/Kitten    2  1  1  0   0  0
Spederline lf      3  0  2  0   2  1
Romber c           5  0  1  0   0  0
FHMuffman dh       2  0  0  0   1  2
Ashmi ss           4  2  1  0   1  0
Totals             42 11 16 11  7  5

Mighty Mighty Morphemes
AB R  H  RBI BB K
Nelly cf           5  1  2  0   0  0
Cher 2b            4  0  0  0   1  1
Moby rf            2  1  1  0   2  0
Sting 1b           4  2  2  1   0  2
Eminem 3b          4  0  0  0   0  1
Beyonce ss         4  0  1  3   0  2
Madonna lf         4  0  2  0   0  0
Jewel c            1  0  0  0   0  0
Prince dh          1  0  0  0   0  0
Totals             35 4  10 4   4  5

ROSTERS

Hollywood Portmanteaux

Manager:  Desilu — Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball

Ashmi — Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore
Bennifer — Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
Billary — Bill and Hillary Clinton
Brangelina — Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Filliam H. Muffman — William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman
Garleck — Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
RenKen — Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
Romber — Rob Mariano and Amber Brkich
Spederline — Britney Spears and Kevin Federline
TomKat — Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Vaughniston — Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Anniston

Mighty Mighty Morphemes

Manager:  Liberace

Beyonce
Bono
Cher
Dido
Eminem
Jewel
Madonna
Moby
Nelly
Prince
Seal
Sting